'Forbidden' pleasure: It's not just sex

TNN | Jan 10, 2014, KOLKATA: 'Forbidden pleasures' for women aren't necessarily sexual in nature. It can be as simple as cycling or eating her favourite fruit. This stark and brutal reality that Indian women face today was brought to the fore by a powerful panel of speakers on the second day of the Apeejay Kolkata Literary Festival (AKLF) 2014, which is being held in association with The Times of India.

Thursday saw a host of accomplished and very powerful women taking to the stage at the lit fest.Planning Commission member Syeda Hameed, media personality Mrinal Pande, publisher Urvashi Butalia, author Anita Nair, journalist Shereen el Feki, social activists Safeena Hussain, Neera Nundy and Sudha Kaul, Madhu Sirohi (head of Vodafone Foundation), designer entrepreneur Bina Ramani, public relations expert Rita Bhimani, journalists Ratnottama Sengupta and Bachi Karkaria spoke about women and the challenges they face today over three sessions.

The first session of the day - 'Forbidden pleasures: intimacy and women's lives' - had the panelists going beyond the obvious to define such pleasures. It could be having a drink alone at a bar or a stroll through a park while smoking a 'bidi' or just travelling alone. Or even reading a book, maybe an evening out with friends. For women, the simple wish - "I want" - is often unattainable and that, to Anita Nair, is the most forbidden pleasure. Shereen el Feki said that to her, a woman's forbidden pleasure is her ability to control her body. For countless women, the desire to get close to her husband not in a sexual manner but emotionally remains a forbidden pleasure.

For feisty Mrinal Pande, her forbidden pleasure was her desire to be seen as an individual and not as someone's wife or mother. "A woman can either be a very good wife or a very good mother; she can't be both," contended Pande. Forbidden pleasure could also be entering politics and holding high offices, she added. Syeda Hameed spoke about the women of her mother's generation and the miserable lives they led. "A woman is supposed to be like a chalice that holds whatever is poured into it. What if the woman says, 'I want milk, not honey?'" wondered Anita.

The sole male panelist, writer Ruchir Joshi, spoke about his parents who were equal partners in a marriage. But his mother, an educationist, was a strong personality and would often express her resentment over the price she had to pay for becoming a mother. "She would tell me that but for me, she could have become the education minister of Gujarat," said Joshi.

At another session that followed the launch of Vodafone Foundation's book 'Women of Pure Wonder', moderator Bachi Karkaria steered the conversations through the concept of empowerment for women. To the panelists, the definition of empowerment ranged from a woman's ability to make choices and having a support system that enables her to make those choices to recognizing one's self worth and equity in all spheres. Madhu Sirohi pointed out that for a woman in a corporate set-up, everything goes fine till she decides to have a child. "We see that many women in the 32-to-40 age group slip off the ladder because that's when they choose to become mothers," she said.