Celibacy is hot in the dating app era. It’s the ultimate sexual liberation

 Women aren’t exactly heading to the nunnery. They’re just avoiding casual clumsies that are nothing but a waste of time and expensive make-up. This swipe-and-score mentality serves straight men.

Illustration by Shruti Naithani | ThePrint

Ratan Priya, The Print, 15 September, 2024 : With all the buzz about hookup culture, polyamorous relationships, and situationships, Gen Z is often assumed to be sleeping around too much. But let me break it to you gently—we’re not. While we have normalised multi-partner romantic projects, we also understand asexuality better than zoomers, boomers and millennials. Intimacy is about more than just swapping bodily fluids. We want all the strings attached and sex is now off the table. Moreover, with Mpox lurking, the sexless 20-something generation might just save the world by dodging another pandemic.

This year’s great Bumble fumble—when the dating app panic-preached “celibacy is not the answer” on massive billboards—proved counterproductive. Suddenly, Twitter threads were buzzing about the perks of going celibate, even though everyone who advocates it these days hates the word. Julia Fox, the Italian-American actor and model, became the new “it girl” for bragging that she hadn’t done the deed for more than two years. “Never been better tbh,” she said. And ‘boysober’ became a viral trend—a word coined by comedian Hope Woodard for her year-long sabbatical from situationship drama and the fleeting fun of hit-and-runs in the bedroom.

The celibacy-is-hot discourse has the internet confused. What could possibly make so many women cancel sack time in the dating app era? From swiping burnout, pandemic isolation, too much meh sex, the growing ick list, princes of privilege (average straight men), UTIs to their other STD cousins and some really high standards—the reasons are too many. Hell, even some poly-women with seven boyfriends on speed dial aren’t crazy about sleeping with any of them. This is the ultimate sexual liberation—look it up.

Women aren’t prudes. We have our reasons

Some guys are a picture of crushed hope when they are told they aren’t getting laid on a first date. Miffed, they even ask, “Then why are you on dating apps?” As if an awkward horizontal tango is mandatory after matching on the apps. This swipe-and-score mentality is cringe, it only serves straight men. And of course, millennials aren’t into it because they have too many movies about one-night-stands turning into fairytale love stories—No Strings Attached (2011), Friends With Benefits (2011), Band Baja Baraat (2010). Too many scenes between the sheets, too many fake forevers.

Before you brand us all as prudes, let’s get one thing straight: despite the voluntary dry spell, women aren’t exactly heading to the nunnery. They’re just avoiding casual clumsies that are nothing but a waste of time and expensive make-up and fabulous outfits. Most of them—read 80 per cent—don’t anyway reach the finish line when they engage in the act with men. If British tabloid The Sun is to be trusted, robots will replace men in beds by 2025. Only 15 weeks to go now.

Too evolved for low-effort fooling around

My 24-year-old former colleague says she is living the best life now that she’s stopped hooking up. The bliss period started after she dumped a boring banker dude last winter. It was a one-month stand, which never got better after the first night. The guy sought feedback after every session but got all huffy whenever he got it. So why was she even seeing him? Her delusions about his boyfriend potential. She expected flowers and fireworks, but the guy wouldn’t even laugh-react to her reels if they were sent before 11:00 pm. Eventually, there was no scope for fake oohs and aahs. To his last midnight invitation, she could only muster an “eww”.

Low-effort fooling around doesn’t excite my comrades, and they are cool for it. If there is a “sex recession” going on because of Gen Z, we can’t be bothered about it. Imgur memes, YouTube streams and AITA subreddits are far more exciting than participating in mindless mating. Maybe, we are too evolved for it.

Views are personal.

(Edited by Zoya Bhatti)