A crime is a crime :The heinous Delhi murder draws attention to intimate partner violence

The heinous Delhi murder draws attention to intimate partner violence and the isolation of those who deviate from society’s fixed choices 

Shutapa Paul | MP | 18 Nov 2022 : A real-life Jeffrey Dahmer case unfolded in the Indian capital last week. Dahmer had many victims, Aaftab only one, Shraddha. But the modus operandi is eerily similar. 

The chopping of the body and stuffing the dismembered parts in a fridge, using chemicals to disinfect. Whether the case reminds one of the real-life monster Dahmer or fictional character Dexter, this was a heinous crime, a murder most foul. Every time an unnatural incident takes place, it reveals the soul of the people. 

The ability of a city to bounce back the very next day after serial bomb blasts, shows resilience. The heroic efforts of a flood-devastated community show humanity and brotherhood. 

An odious murder in the heart of the nation's capital should raise concerns about the rising instances of crimes against women and draw attention to intimate partner violence. However, as the hackneyed, stereotypical story of a B-grade movie, this murder too sunk into a cautionary tale against inter-religious marriage. 

A crime is a crime is a crime. Communalism shouldn't colour it; conservative social mores can't dictate the consequences. 

'Educated women shouldn't engage in live-ins', swiftly came the gem-ridden diktat. 'Inter-religious marriage is indeed 'love jihad'', said another. 'All hailing from a certain minority community are butchers of human flesh,' someone else explained. 

These well-known tropes of hate keep tumbling out during such shocking incidents, and yet we fail to actually highlight the elephant in every woman's room —that of crime, violence, and almost always, zero punishment. 

Every time that we are faced with a crisis situation, it's a chance to rise above the banalities of Twitter hate, and tackle the issues that need to be urgently addressed. The ugly truth is that crimes against women have been steadily on the rise in India. Of the 6 million crimes recorded in 2021, 428,278 were against women. 

The jump over 6 years was 26.3 percent. Even among these, the most compelling numbers are of intimate partner violence (IPV), i.e., abuse (both sexual and physical) at the hands of a partner, spouse, or lover. As per the National Family Health Survey (NFHS), almost one in 3 women in the 18-49-year age group have faced physical or sexual violence since the age of 15. 

So, not only are women in India facing violence over the years, it starts early from teenage hood (may be even younger) and carries on perhaps till the end of their lives. And the perpetrators, mostly men, have been getting away with it. I'm sure there are instances of men being at the receiving end of traumatic relationships, the numbers, though real, are small. 

None of this however, explain Aaftab's behaviour. To mercilessly hack to death, one's lover of many years, is the behaviour of a psychotic, mentally unstable individual. 

He too needed psychiatric help to control his dangerous behaviours, prone to violence tendencies, and ultimately, that which caused his ultimate ruination. What we must also discuss is the victim's state of mind. 

If news reports are believed to be true, then Shraddha was a victim of repeated domestic violence. Neither did she report it, not did she walk away from the obviously toxic relationship. So, what does it say about the woman? 

And what does it say about us as a society at large? A UNODC report states that "Home is the most dangerous place for women", with a majority of homicide victims worldwide being killed by family or partners.
Women tend to tolerate, overlook, and hide intimate partner violence. They keep hoping that things will change, their partners will miraculously metamorphose into decent human beings. That seldom happens. 

The women may also be embarrassed by social perceptions or financially dependent on the perpetrator. Worse still, they may be isolated, cut off from friends and family for deciding to step out of socially accepted norms in their choice of a partner or perhaps even due to sexual preference. 

Also, do we make it easier for battered women to come forward to seek help, solace, or rehabilitation? Even the family becomes unapproachable for the woman who has gone against them. 

It is easy to claim to be tough when the goings are good. But women who have faced years of mental and physical abuse concur that they have no confidence, strength, or hope of escaping failed relationships. They need help, encouragement, counselling, may be even the help of the law. 

As we still reel from Shraddha's murder, another murder has rocked Delhi. Rahul strangled his live-in partner, Gulshana, with a cloth, locked her body in the house, and fled. The occurrence of intimate partner violence is not as rare as we'd like to believe, and will keep happening if we don't provide accessible helplines and channels of support. 

Most women keep shut, some men apologise and buy the women's silence and forgiveness, some men think it's their God-given right to give their wives a good walloping once in a while. It's not the live-in arrangements and inter-religious relationships that are at the root of these crimes. 

On one side are exceptionally deranged men, and on the other, women who keep accepting the violence and staying on in abusive relationships. The writer is an author and media entrepreneur. 

Views expressed are personal 

http://www.millenniumpost.in/opinion/a-crime-is-a-crime-499557