Ten Ways to Tell If You Should Dump a Man

Sarah Abraham, TIR: We absolutely reject the world view where men are carefree bachelors trying not to be trapped into a relationship by insidious, insecure women whose life’s ambition is to find herself a man. In our world – one that we have had to painstakingly construct after shaking off decades’ worth of social conditioning – if a woman is not happy in a relationship, or if a man doesn’t treat her right, it’s time to say goodbye. But you’ve got to be sure. So here are ten ways to tell if you should walk away immediately. 

1. Has he ever said these words to you: ‘You won’t understand; you’re a girl.’? Unless he’s talking about getting kneed in the manly tenders, in which case this is perfectly and absolutely an acceptable sentiment, he’s not worth your time or affection. ‘You won’t understand because you’re not a microbiologist’ is perfectly valid. ‘You won’t understand until you’ve tripped and fallen on your nose on stage in front of thousands of people’ is also valid. But being female doesn’t exclude you from understanding anything.  
2. This one should be obvious but here goes, anyway: Does he talk about his ex a lot? And here’s a handy hint to look for – does he sob into his ice cream or tear-flavoured whiskey as he does so? Or the other side of the coin: does he pick your past apart, unable to come to terms with the fact that you have a past, while never talking about his own? The first: he’s not over her. The second: he’s insecure, extremely jealous and judgmental. Sorry, ladies, but neither will work out. You’re better off with a cat. At least you know that they’re judgemental, but they’ll forgive everything for a bowl of cream. 
3. He turns pale, mumbles something that sounds like ‘I’ve got to see somebody about an elephant’ and rushes off at possibility of running into either of your families when you’re out together. Unless his family or yours has got a particularly violent and overprotective history, this is a demonstration that his liver is lily-white. You do not want to pledge forever to him. He will always bail on you.
4. Does he forget his wallet a lot? Or perhaps does he ask you to make a few urgent payments – credit card overdue and he doesn’t have access to a secure computer, forgot about insurance, and so on – and consistently forget to pay you back, banking on your reluctance to bring the issue up? Dump him immediately. This isn’t just about the money. You shouldn’t be doing all of the giving and he shouldn’t be doing all the taking. 
5. Keep a close eye on how he treats his juniors or his underlings or just a homeless person begging at a traffic junction. If he is abusive towards them, he could very well be abusive, verbally or physically, towards you. This is one of the biggest signs. Spot it before you bear the brunt of it. If he does get aggressive and abusive towards you, get yourself out of the situation immediately. Perhaps try the hint in point 1. 
6. It’s Sunday and you’ve made movie plans. You’re not even surprised when he calls saying his friend/brother/uncle/cousin’s mother-in-law’s uncle’s nephew-by-marriage needs a lift, and so he cannot make it. You text him because you need to talk ‘now’ and he calls in six hours because he was hanging out with friends. If you’re always his last priority, you need to call time on the relationship. If watching the Game of Thrones recap (recap!) is more important than spending time with you, you have a real problem. 
7. After a long day at work for both of you, would he help with chores? Will he go to your favourite restaurant sometimes to cheer you up? Will how he wants to unwind (watch Ultimate Fighting) always be more important than how you want to unwind (watch anything but Ultimate Fighting)? Basically, will what you want matter more than what he wants half the time? Yes – don’t let him go. No – please, say goodbye. 
8. Honesty and bravery to stand up for the truth. Here’s the most advanced test of it: Does he have the guts to tell you that yes, your backside does indeed look bigger than you’d want it to look in that dress though he thinks your backside is mighty fine? If he can pass this one, he will have courage against all kinds of adversity. 
9. Does he panic if he accidentally leaves his phone behind with you? There’s absolutely no call for him to give you an ‘all access’ pass to his correspondence. But if he’d go to extraordinary lengths to keep it from you, there’s something fishy going on. 
10. Would it be out of the question to ask him to run to the pharmacy and get you a pack of sanitary pads *immediately*? This is important if there is to be a long run in the relationship. How can you possibly expect to live with a man if even the thought of, shall we say, womanly problems, makes him turn green! It takes a certain kind of courage to break this kind of stereotype and only the real keepers have it. 

As a writer, Sarah focuses on women’s and social issues, education, environment, the arts, humour, travel, health, food and sports. She worked for two magazines in Hyderabad for over three years, and then quit to stay at home, bake, watch football and write. This makes her an odd mixture of feminist, housewife, Arsenal fanatic, writer and Internet troll. When she’s not trying to change the world from her laptop or screaming at referees on the telly, she’s reading, DND.